I finally figured out what I want to do!

UPDATED 4-2-17

Yes, yes… This is somewhat of a humorously-sardonic-good-natured jab at me’self, as I am for the most part doing what it is I desire to do for a career in the working world… but there’s still more, I know, I must be doing as part of the soul work for my day in order to be at peace with myself: being a massage therapist, esthetician, wellness advocate, maid and mother to my children, lover to my man, just isn’t enough.

{sheepishly, I laugh}

Don’t get me wrong. My life is utterly fulfilling and I adore every moment I spend doing the above… I can spend the rest of my days constantly serving others. I’ve such a full and beautiful life. I know this. I am enormously grateful… but apparently, I still find space in my spirit, the depths of my soul, where I believe I have been created to do more. Where I can still serve others while serving myself.

Spring dew drops no2

I will tell + show you how.

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I was always into making jewelry for hobby, constructing for friends and family. I just made what I wanted with the materials at hand in balance with my humble budget and limited amount of “play time” …always enjoying my work with all the elements and mediums I chose to implement: yarn skeins of buttery soft fibers, luxurious buckskin leathers, brilliantly colored indian seed beads from the trading post, hand dyed silks, juicy and vibrantly colorful beads of glass and stone, chains, wires, and sheets of metal, resin, glass, naturally occurring foliage, moss, and even bones, and so so much more.

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I favored combining these elements with copper or brass, easily enough acquired metals. I was able to torch fire my tiny amounts of fine silver pmc here and there, and on the rarest of rare occasions, I would be so fortunate to manage enough spare income to purchase sterling silver to work with {that is what I fervently loved to get my hands on}.

All the while, thinking someday I’ll be able to sit at my workbench and saw out and solder with my tiny torch using acetylene and oxygen: you know, to make some heavy duty sterling bezel set stones on decorated backplates. Preplanned designs of delicate shanked, wide shanked, saddle, finger straddle, and cocktail rings… aplomb with gorgeously cut stone cabochons, embellished with metal detailing of the most alluring lace and honeycomb filigree… enough to eat my heart out. Enough to be the death of me. Enough to finally be satiated with enough to do.


Maybe even someday real soon.


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The Tribe Plus

Just the same, I always created jewelry for fun. Never minding weekly work schedule~consistency, contingent with a certain set amount of pieces in mind for constructing, nor had I any discipline to honor and adhere with structuring my time spent in the “studio” {a.k.a. laundry room, where I can throw in a load to wash, and fold a dried load, to keep up with the mountain of clothing six people make throughout the week}.

I digress.

…in order that where I focus my energy be optimal for making this a second? third? career. I didn’t have to discipline myself to be there, ‘at work’ when I had rather flirt around with drawing designs. I never had a deadline. I’ve always been able to do the day’s to-do’s and then if I was lucky, on rare occasions, play with the notion of relaxation, or fixate on creativity, maybe even construct a portion of an idea I had been contemplating.

Simply, I didn’t have to familiarise myself with an alternate and/or involved process of designing and application: of forming a succinct and viable process of constructing with metal. Nor did I have to focus on streamlining my production line of small batch loots… Or replacing lost materials, or purchasing expensive equipment for designs I wanted to fabricate, especially if the material cost were something I couldn’t justify for it being a hobby jewelry designer.

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If I’m being honest with myself, as it takes some courage to do so, I can see that with my past work I didn’t challenge myself to set foot in territories that would have resulted in a utterly highend cherishable talisman that would retain its interest, value, and quality for the ages to come.

My pieces. These talismans, trinkets still, were just collections that would be tossed in the jewelry dish, or worn when it matched an ensemble, I imagine. I simply combined together what I had to work with… that which made ‘due’ with the best of my abilities.  All along, I was wishing I could incorporate soldering and torch work with those metals beads, and stones… acquirements I didn’t have an opportunity to posses at the time.

No matter.

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In all seriousness though, there is much more involved and necessary when working with the medium of metalsmithing and silversmithing, and especially as a legitimate business, especially in order to succeed and stay fluid with the craft.

I’ve watched women of great talent travel down this road for years, silently peeking in on them and their wonderful work every few months or so to see their progress, refinement, and quietly I cheer them on. I’m excited for them, I’m encouraged by them. The righteous ones who see this as a sisterhood. They are so inspiring in their journey, strong in their testament, brave in their process, and ever growing in their philosophy, I see their hard and disciplined dedication to their work, I watch it changing them the whole while, most it changes them for the better.

Many of these ladies I’ve learned to respect, although at one time I believed them to be self involved and self obsessed. I get them now. I understand what it must have taken to do what they do in a world we live in, what it takes for them to find their voice and break down barriers time after time again, and strike down those who threaten their hard efforts, glean from their cherished designs, they hack out new paths with each step taken, exposed to the world in all their glory, even their delicate organs, their soul, sharing their being, the good bad and ugly of it all with the talismans of their own hands. Daring, Aren’t they.

These are amazing women who’ve dedicated all of their SELF to their craft, and as the days have past, years later, I get to see the fruits of their efforts: beautiful, brilliant, bright, luscious hard won hard fought for fruits at that.

I’ve my own fruits on my tree, preened and pruned and primped as I have, it’s a beautiful tree in my estimation, that is my humble and grateful opinion. Fact, if you really ask me. Hard won and worked for just the same. Yet I am not wishing to document them as they had or do, only in small portions in the webular areas that you or I may or may not choose to frequent ourselves.

You see, I need to protect areas of myself and those I love. I understood and realize even now that staying remotely aloft and disconnected was/is my own security and safeguard, in ways I may discuss later down the road. Or may not. I knew being detached would/will also allow me to cultivate my own work in the future, as well as allow me to respect them/anyone who works in this medium as fellow artisans when the time calls to put fire to metal.

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And that time is dawning. Drawing very close indeed.

As for right this moment, and in the past, well… since I hadn’t considered metalsmithing as paramount career goal to take on as a primary income producing part of my life. I was able to watch and learn with a light heart, and a non biased perspective. I’ve learned via their stumblings what not to do, and what to capitalize on. What and how I want to incorporate into my own business and dealings here, that suit my life and my involvements best.

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Because I was not constantly at the workbench sawing and forging out expensive sheets of silver or putting forth much cost in goods like semi-precious gemstones and picturesque ocean jasper cabochons and the like for my talismans: I wasn’t searching my soul in every uncharted summit or abyss for meaning to translate into these pieces.

Instead I just let myself journey where the Universe was guiding me, and I was able to accept and BE present in my life, letting its lessons and revelations and gifts find me through my obligations as a human being with my zeal and charge to others, within my coveted and most esteemed career as a massage therapist/aesthetician.

Trust me, these great awakenings, and little earthquakes, gifted through all my proceedings in living are absolutely enough already for lifetimes of sharing pearls of wisdom and imparting healing to others.

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And as my life already was/is involved, I knew as for meddling with metal, I didn’t in the past care or want to take a risk into the obvious gateways of advancing one’s abilities with plating, kilning, enameling, soldering, etching, stone setting, casting, etc. to have to bare the weight (errr, the obligation} of having to produce a supplementary income. Because it would have been my only income at that time. I didn’t take hold then, in fear my elemental talismans would become something entirely forced. In fear that they would not be fueled by the proper intent. I didn’t want the threats and concerns that enter one’s life when sharing their soul and lives to the world via this platform of imagery and writing. Opening up for judgement, and criticisms from people who couldn’t know me, even if I choose to share a little here and there. Even when to share would attract to me those who encouraged and didn’t judge me along with the opportunity + responsibility I took on to be a beacon. All that Among other fears that have and will be challenged, and knocked off my back as I navigate these waters.

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Fears that I would be cheated and stolen from, and spend my time whining to others on these platforms how I’ve been diserviced. That, I did not want to become. So I won’t.

Perhaps, in some of this I may have  been mistaken and now realize to what extent I have control over what I allow into my head that others project onto me. I have my own power and ability to set healthy boundaries as an artist and person sharing her life to the world. And I have great sounding boards and ability to filter out stagnant and darker people or forces. I really do not have anything to worry about as long as I take care to protect what I love.

In metal, specifically, I may have in turn cheated myself out of some unique learning opportunities for growing as an artist. But, honestly, I won’t lament over that. I’m sure if I look at the silver lining in this, I would see I hadn’t been cheated at all. I am just not quite able to see to its fullest depth what I did acquire in all this time. What I also learned by watching and leisurely researching about metalsmithing.

That being said: I will be discovering, along with all of you, what treasures and secrets and mysteries that I’ve yet to uncover within myself due to allowing myself peace of mind and honoring my destiny by taking the detour I did from my lifelong dream of becoming a metalsmith. Now I will be following the footsteps of my father. I’ll never regret my choices here, to wait until the time was appropriate to begin this journey.

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Even while my days are still filled with my loves, side by side with my man: making PB+j’s, watching Fraggles, changing diapers, nursing my bodily flare ups of work related muscle aches and arthritis, taking trips up to our Cabin’s, all the more that we do under the sun and stars: I’m still here, and I’m still harboring my dreams close to my heart.

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SO.  Here’s to all the amazing and unforgettable choices I’ve made for myself in the past decade, the choices that will serve me well on my adventures in metal to come.

Never, Never will I worry my pretty little head over those missed experiences, because they are still viable for me now, to learn. My inability to formally invest in what it would have taken to make my involved designs into honorable keepsake talisman pieces {that of which I’ve drawn in my sketchbooks for years, visualized in my mind, and have deeply desired to create with my hands…} has arrived, and is burgeoning with what loot I’ve got to offer in my shop now. Starting with plating, basic metalsmith techniques, Kiln work of pmc and enameling. Being a respectable and able metalsmith/silversmith won’t always be a rainbow I am chasing to its end to find a pot of gold. I’ve been slowly accumulating what I would need to have at my disposal to finally really truly start.

Now is the star~t.

With a mouth full of shooting stars!!!

This is my time.  Time for myself as a woman, artist, who is taking her craft dead serious. Who is dedicating herself to the whole entirety of becoming a legitimate, noteworthy, artist in smithing metal: culminating quantitative energy and design together to create true pieces of healing wearable H~art.

I know I’ve said it in many different ways, reiterating over and over in different strings of words… for the last few years. I was fine and pacified directing my energy in the applications that I have put them, but definitely not content with the tangible proof of nothing but the hard body work I was doing for others, although in their appreciativeness, I rarely ever am given back what I put forth through them, not enough to make up for my body’s degeneration. I adore my career, but it takes a very hard tole. I want to keep doing what I do, but never, ever again at the pace I was doing prior to having my last child Quinn.

As for metal, I was still enjoying making a necklace here, a pair of earrings there…  pulling inspiration from the events that transpired in my life and the materials that I could pluck from the shelves at the nearest arts and crafts store if our small town’s local small business bead shops didn’t have whatever I wanted.

Yet… I simply sufficed with what I could purchase with my spending money, and just pined for the finer stones that drew me in and spoke to my heart: not to mention the equipment I would need to have in order to do this thing right. I have finally purchased the kiln I have been dreaming of having for three years! I have been crafted with metalsmith jewelers saws and hammers for seven years, these tools I had saved for at least two years prior. I’ve always chosen quality for constructing with, and it’s cost me time for sure. A few special beads and stones I’ve also accumulated over the years, intent on using them in the right piece whenever I could carve out the hours to finally get down to business.

After I left the field of architectural drafting, and as a result became a divorcee’ of a 10 year marriage with two children, I found myself as their sole supporter {never taking child support or having any tax credits for them} in turn, I wasn’t able to find a lump sum in my living expenses to purchase the things I still needed for this craft.

Plus, I wanted a career away from the one I had dedicated myself to while I was married. Although I loved loved loved what I did. In fact I had been drafting houses since I was 12 years of age, guided by the architects in my family, in fifth grade I began putting my draftings of buildings and homes inspired by famous architects in binders, those of which I still have. Ha. Since then, I’ve become a very credible architectural designer via working with my x-husband as their support timberframe drafter. I honored that dream. A lifetime was spent being the best I could with that ability and talent. I laid it down with my drafting pencils and boards and vectorwork applications. That was a past life. Perhaps someday I will pick up my drafting tools again. Maybe someday.

But that notion I will let lie dormant and resting for this time.

Being single did offer me an opportunity to choose a discipline I was drawn to, it which would keep me connected to wellbeing. For the obvious to me reasons, I chose therapeutic bodywork and aesthetics to further my affinity and interest in anatomy and healing. I also wanted to capitalize on the significant common denominator that it took an empath to be happy doing as much: and in-that matter, would make me an independent supplementary income in order to provide for keeping body + spirit together in this tribe.

Through all of this, the past five years of dedicating my hands, body mind and spirit to the art of healing the body, particularly with direct relation to the musculoskeletal portions of human anatomy with esoteric and puristic energies and modalities of massage, there’s been an unyielding part of my being, a core part of my spirits molecular construct, that’s been untamable… stalwart… almost rebellious, insisting this still was not enough to keep me content. There’s long since been a craving to be put to work with my hammers and saws and torch with serious intent.

This part of me that’s requite is retaliating against the thoughts of self doubt and fears, the dark voice that whispers to me saying that maybe it’s too late now to really dedicate myself to this portion I want to administer to. There is a powerful warrior voice within me to quiet such hullabaloo, and it demands to be honored. It suffocates those fears with each piece I complete to offer to others under the title of artisan. In the meantime, it’s going into the further, retreating into the darkness, and I’ve no intention of following it there.

Through all my objectiveness, this pure glint… this pyroelectric spark of spirit… has been unwilling to dim into shadow and silence. It’s unsettling to me how its been increasing in its insistence, to let it grow… allow it room to awaken, lighten, encourage, and strengthen the connections, pathways, and anchors of its genetic origin given to me with my birthright, born onto me through my father who was a goldsmith to the day of his death. This intonation resounding within me gets louder every day… I’m allowing it to pour out of my ears until it’s so loud it all but drowns out my fears and self doubt until they disappear.

The laundry room will do just fine as a studio + Four children with the love of my life and a tribe of family and friends will only add to my support.

Even as involved as I am with all the intricacies of my deliciously rich and busy life: I know I can honor this goal at hand. The unfailing and unyielding attraction to it, calling from the depths of my being, echoing through the chambers of my heart, jarring through the hollows of my costals, flowing through my veins, and dwelling in the marrow of my bones says so. It says you have yet to truly start, you are not done, you’ve only just begun.

I believe things had to be set in stone as time had passed, and hard won realizations had to be threaded into my essence before I could appreciate and dedicate all that needs be to this.

That seed was germinating in hibernation, and now after years of being dormant waiting until the soil was just right, all deterrents had been burned or blown away. A foundation worth starting solid has been laid down for good groundwork.

I’m bent on finding my rhythm with fabricating these talismans while still paying homage to my priorities and responsibilities and loved ones, all this falls before. I don’t get the luxury of ho~humming around with my time, money, and energy. I’ve got to be realistic with my working timeline, refrain from comparing my work with others, especially with those amazingly talented others who’ve been doing this for some time now, and I must realize my productions won’t begin momentously, but incrementally… at a steady slow deep meditative pace.

This only births quality and depth and gravity to each piece. It’s going to prove to be a challenge, despite what many may assume, this type of work demands thought, preplanning, dedication.

That is why it’s easy to get lost in the ether. I’m determined to stay positive and joyful and patient and grateful throughout. I’m eternally an Optimistic. No matter how many blows my person and spirit have taken or will take. My work won’t be chincy, fleeting, or insignificant. It won’t be thrown together to make currency. Nor constructed on a whim. I will be doing a dance of patience, and perfecting. There’s an unlikely gift in that, work yielding talismans worthy enough for keepsakes. This is my gift. This is my craft. I know it to be true. It may be some time before my work convinces the lot of you. I must begin somewhere. I choose to begin here.

My Therapeutic Massage and Aesthetics practice pretty much, somewhat, covers this obligatory need now for income, and I still hold true to my principle that whatever I do I want to enjoy: I find fulfillment and satisfaction in the work I do, yet that alone doesn’t fully quench my craving to create, to realize my long ago set goals for myself in this spectrum of the arts.

 In short, all this to say: I think I really need to get my life on track with my passions before it is too late, be that by the art of crafting jewelry for realsie-reals this time + of course, not just for tinkering like a tinker pixie or for giving my work away to others as gifts and thrifts.

This time it’s for serious, and all that goes with it: the time, monies, materials, energies invested… forethought, mid-thought, afterthought… taking the captures of creations in all of its retro/vintage glory, sharing about the muse and vision for each segment that more often than not involves our life, living, and managing all the administrative, boring, details which I won’t do the disservice of covering for your enlightenment at this time which goes into making it as an artist these days in a somewhat saturated market, honing out a distinct and endearing brand… all by my solo selfie {more about that later, I am sure}

This is a celebrated milestone for me, especially now that I’ve got a home full of amazing children, one being a wee baby, and a drop-dead-knockout of a man to do it all with.

A girlfriend of mine, Annie Woodle {love you to pieces girl, miss you too boo} sent this my way as a fun tribute to me via FaceBook a long long way back time ago. Mind you, it was like way back in the day I thought that making jewelry alone could float my boat.

And so, here it is, the light and the funny for you.

 In a sense, this is so perfect, not only because Portlandia is my go-to-feel-good binge flick on Netflix next to Bones, but also because now, after I’ve acquired everything in my life in which I could possibly want and dream {short of crafting jewelry in the quality and essence I plan on achieving}  I’ve got a few days with baby Quinn to fastidiously carve out the time needed to create + do all that needs to be done to essentially offer these wearable art pieces for availability out there.

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Of course, if it all doesn’t work out well… then, I’ll add my talismans to my own cherished charms to serve as reminders and messages to decorate my home and body with. I don’t know what worthy else plan there is for me. Whatever this is, and what ever this is not, it’s definitely pivotal, and it’s going to only add to my life. In my greatest hopes, it will add to others too.


Rings and such

Alright then… Shop inventory ready to load… starting at 9:30 pm Mountain Time.
I’ve a few pieces to offer anyone who enjoys this type of design in their jewelry collective.
I myself love the look, the substantial weight, the intriguing eye candy… juicy color and overall context of every single elemental here. It’s not shabby, even in all my self criticisms, I can say this. So, for a start, in the craft of metalsmith and forging handmade talismans this is the first loot I’d like to offer to the world.
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I’ll be adding items throughout the evening and into the next few days… while intermittently caring for a baby with a fever and making sure my three others are getting along. Suffice to say, thank you for reading the looooooonnnng blog post above. I refined, updated, since December to justify the proceedings to the shop, and the dealings of my involvements in life. Keep watching the shop for new listings during this time.
Just and f.y.i….
I did write a small bit about the items in the description area, one will have to go into the listings on Etsy to read them. The talisman meaning, as is natural, will evolve as you wear them… add to or dedicate a notion of your own onto them.
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soft eyes concerning my nails and polish, I couldn’t find the time in my full schedule at the spa to get a manicure and a gel on them, so I polished them with my favorite opalish pink and of course I can’t keep a smudge off of them to save my life, so It’ll have to due. Again, sorry to make you look at them.
{see you in the wind}